falling apart
Thursday, February 28, 2008
look at my heart,
its tearing apart.
at the slightest,
at the darkest.
broken and torn.
ever gazing forlorn.
at a life,
which took a dive.
where is the good?
I wish, I could.
looking at the stars,
falling and fallen.
they never last.
i fail, crestfallen.
looking for the light
in spite
of the pain
or the bane.
where is the good?
I wish, I could.
we try our best,
and we left the rest.
to our God,
did we not?
we tried, we failed.
in the bitter air,
we sailed
and turned fair.
dont you dare question
my commitment,
or you, will you become
a stranger, a no-one.
i tried to console me,
tried to do good cant you see?
why conform?
when you can transform?
where is the good?
I wish...I would.
WAKEUP.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
JOEL YAP!
where are you?
who is this facade?
who are you
trying to be?
somebody you are not?
"why work so hard when you want to quit?"
hang in there joel! :D
you can do it.
"why do i fcuking get scolded for things i only did once?"
come on.
maybe the guys made a mistake.
"why do i fcuking seem like im the punching bag where they vent their anger out on you?"
just take it as a passing remark.
dont let it take over you.
you can last through such things one!
you may be just sinking in their comments.
but im sure you will float one day :D
"GIVE UP LA. why try when you know you are gonna fail?"
i believe in you.
God does too :D that makes two people.
at least i think it does.
God gives us failures for a reason.
we need to pull ourselves up if we fail.
it may seem like the end of the world,
but it's not.
we just need to hang out to our passion and values and interests.
i know you wrote such a long lab report on the subject you failed.
you do like that subject dont you?
you just need to put in a bit more effort.
just work hard.
i know you can do it (:
BESTFRIENDS!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
(dedicated to rachel lee (: )
all the best to you and your ______ :D
thanks justin mo for the message!You might be best friends one year,
pretty good friends the next year,
don't talk that often the next year,
and don't want to talk at all the year after that.
So, I just wanted to say,
even if I never talk to you again in my life,
you are my best friend and you have made a difference in my life,
I look up to you and respect you some times .
Send this to all your friends,
no matter how often you talk ,
or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.
Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them,
and tell new friends you never will.
Remember, everyone needs a friend,
someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all,
just remember
this
and take comfort in knowing
somebody out there cares about you and always will...
Let them know that they will never be alone as long as you are there.
I like you
because of who you are to me...A true friend.
'A good friend will come bail you out of jail....
But a true friend will be sitting next to you saying ...
WE screwed up, but we had fun! '
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence, and don't skip ahead.
I've learned...that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned...that we
should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for. I've learned...that money doesn't buy class.
I've learned...that it's those small daily happenings that make life so
spectacular. I've learned...that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated
and loved. I've learned...that the Lord didn't do it all in one day.
What makes me think I can?
I've learned...that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned...that the less time I have to work, the more things I get done.
To all of you...make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
Show your friends how much you care send this to them.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
be my escape?
I SCREWED CHINESE.
arghh...
so stressed
everythings falling apart
i cant not care about it right?
):):
ON A SIDE NOTE
you know what?
i dont even know if it will heal,
is it even possible.
i just have no idea what to do with this thing,
cant even say friend/relation-ship.
aiyahh.
i just feel horrible.
i wanna try to make up?
but there is hate going on,
and its definitely a horrible thing :S
i know you hate me like _________.
or whatever la.
i hear stories about you.
i just hear them one ear in and another out.
i trust you, i wanna give you a chance,
but would you give me mine?
why is this happening?
cause of that stupid blogpost
which should have never came up.
i should have just kept feelings to myself.
but well, joel yap you are so stupid.
you decided to post stuff out,
and look what happened.
you try to care for someone
who doesnt give a freaking shit about you.
and you still try to salvage it?
NAHH you are so freaking idiotic.
you probably cant understand her.
you probably will never do!
aiyah.
why put in so much hope into
what is lost,
what is in the past.
what is lost forever?
until the day of course...
where you forgive me?
putting the past behind?
sighh :/
next time, dont be so hopeful,
cause you probably will get rejected.
get used to it.
and i wont hate you cause you are still my friend (:
although how retarded and crazy it sounds upthere^
i just well...want to help, but you would say its useless.
im just sorry alright!
i cant do anything to make it right.
you might not care
but for me, you'd spare?
consuming hate is keeping sin,
our lives would be in a din.
my tears that flow,
nobody will ever know.
who would care,
nobody would dare.
taking my time to resolve.
taking my time to make up.
when will the time come?
jarynnn is smiling
Saturday, February 16, 2008
life is soo crazyy.
one, it smiles.
two, it frowns.
three, it gets crazy
four, now you see.
five we smile.
six we lie.
seven in heaven.
occasionally i have a certain smile, which i like :D
but sometimes its just plain BADDD.
sighh quite horrible la.
i feel so bad to
youputting you in a spot and all;
its like all my fault sorry.
i know you are ignoring me,,
but
you we cant do that for long you know?
we still have to face up to these crappy things sometime.
i hope soon, if not it will feel quite horrible ):
ahwell.
i feel like kinda guilty!
causing you some of all your pain and all ):
haha.
i just want to be your good friend.
open up will you?
share somethings with me.
i promise i wont tell (:
i never do that.
i want to try to help you!
i really do...
but its up to you whether you want my help or not.
i know you are quite a complicated person...
sighh :/
but it does not erase your name from being my friend [:
i wanna try help!
if you need anything, actually anyone, i will be here, and try to help (:
i want to be
your friend.
Friday, February 15, 2008
HORRIBLEEEEEEEEE VDAY!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
imgonnadie.
goodbye.
(figure of speech)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
that time of the year,where all are happy dear,not much we have to say,its Valentine's Dayits the day where most are glad,unfortunately for me, i am mad.all the commitment gone array,in sorrow i lay.trying to work things out,in the middle of a solemn pout.my faith gone low,love has brought me on a toll.so many places yet only me,is there more to the eye i'd see?my life has become of all sorts,now, love? maybe not!im sorry, i know you were there for mebut i think i could not bethere for you,although i was supposed to.i liked the call yesterday,im sure it made you happy i might say.its good we talked.after all thats happened, a lot.i thank god for having good friends like you!it makes my day,it'd really do!friends forever i loved to say.moving on,
this is for you!
just a while ago,
i was the untouchable,
what you thought so.
now its different I'd say.
closer friends, hope you like it that way!
i surely have, all day.
maybe more?
im sorry what my mum had said,
i hope it didn't make you red.
maybe it didnt make us you dead.
i want us to be more that friends (:
i hope you got what i meant
just give me your hand
i hope you get me x)
converse more shall we?
and talk more like we did.
this means a lot to me you know?
keeping feelings for so long, yo!
making me occasionally low.
i how you give me a chance.
and let's see how long we'd last (:
even though it might be a challenging task!
when i first met you,
i had a feeling that was new.
somehow i felt fill.
so let me get a chance to say,
on this Valentine's day,
Valentine, i may?
VDAY!
STAN ASKED ME TO POST THIS:I see a couple strollin down the street
They're so in love, there's not a worry
and to the clock they said goodbye, they ain't in a hurry
And sometimes I feel kind of lonely
ask myself where is my one and only
until she comes to me, I'll wait
until then I shouldn't be feeling this way
Won't let no Valentines get me down
or when Christmas time comes around
just cuz I'm alone right now
don't' mean I should hold a frown
oh in the meantime love is here you'll find
the simple things that slip your mind
the joy of hope for better days
you know that love can find it's ways
HAHA. SOUNDS SO LONELY.
what i will become if i dont go out
life is just so stressful
i wanna go out tmr!
but i cant la!
DD:
i must go
its so horrible.
i must go for both
im in a dilemma ):
bleahh ohwells like what the crap.
HAHA
KINDA HAPPY!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
i know this is so not a private place but oh well,
i will just type my concerns out here haha.
probably nobody will understand what im talking about :/
haha ahwell.
sometimes i do lie,
for the better?
i have no idea.
i guess if you have a good reason not to tell the truth, you could lie?
NO WAY. gosh i have been lying the past few days (a while back)
so that i could go out with my friends but like! URGH.
cannot :/ ahwell. its so weird i tell you...
haha i dunno i can like lie with a straightface.
EEYER.
these few days were kinda like an emotional rollercoaster.
from being
super freaked out which i shall not specify why.
to being super
stressed before the tests! AHHHH.
i literally grabbed nong by the shirt and pulled him around here and there TSKK>
haha. ohwell. i guess its great im feeling happy now,cause im gonna call :D
haha.
to somebody else:
its just so awkward you know.
i really wanted to go out!
but like you could not ):
ahwell. i think its quite ridiculous!
bleahh. i wanna go out quite bad.
till my freaking schedule changed.
its how irritating la.
and probably i dont wanna be the third party xP
haha. ahwell. quite sad la.
kinda thought about it.
rejection hurts?
aiyahh...why am i thinking so deep.
it all does not matter anymore, does it?
things weren't like how they were
smsing so much in class.
having quite a lot of fun xD
although like nearly got caught all that waddaheck.
haha. i dont want to drift so far away!
use your phone in class la! XD haha.
if you need to i can try to lend you my white phone?
haha. tskk.
why am i living in the past?
URGH.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
what has the world come to.
where some things happen.
i truly don't know what to do.
things change and are rampant.
my heart stays with God,
while others' might stay with Lot.
the serpent slidding around,
tempting those he's found.
making them fall prey,
he lusts and stays in a corner.
what has God to say,
than to watch in anger.
the purity disappears,
while God watches in tears,
he is disheartened
he still loves you and wants you to learn.
the world has nearly come to an end,
what can we do our dear friends?
to save our generation,
we've got to learn.
God grant us your wisdom,
so we can discern
between the right and wrong,
watching the indecent.
let them perish,
let them die,
they deserve it,
they deserve to cry
they deserved to be destroyed,
yet you gave them a chance.
but they never took it and toyed,
and you
DESTROYED them.
(:
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
a great contrast to the previous post.
dedicated to rachel lee :Dhaha.
its been great knowing you,
in the past day or two
coming to singapore,
passing by the place of flaws.
yet bring back memory,
to where you want to be.
where you heart stays,
and never felt in disarray.
have more self confidence,
and not make it just a coincidence.
be proud of what you are,
how you've come this far.
in canoeing,
as well as befriending.
thanks for listening to me,
at my moments without glee.
at time when i was down,
happiness you help found.
i appreciate you as a friend.
i hope our friendship will never end.
and before you leave again,
make sure you come back, changed, never the same :D
i was angry with he,
i told my wrath, i wish it'd flee.
flying around,
buzzing a sound,
agonizing me.
this emotion,
is never easy to mention.
terrorizing my feeling,
shortening my breathing,
you called for a ransom.
money was, in your meddled mind
mercenary was all i could find,
scurrying through the thoughts,
flowing, the tears, lots.
yet they weren't consistent, the rhyme.
finding love,
found at birth?
tearing drop to drop,
you loved me not.
i longed for a dove.
that curve facing up,
half full was the cup.
until, my smile took a while,
you destroyed it, creature of vile!
and made me scream like a demented cub.
HAPPY XD
Saturday, February 02, 2008
i just realized how many emo posts i had in january haha. i think i should go change my blogskin soon haha. SOME people say its so girl. HAHA. ohwell. whats wrong with having love! haha. (maybe cause they are jealous :P haha. school has been quite stressful, causing me not to use comp but to like do some random homework and like complete all of it by the freaking deadlines haha. i still got to do some of likeee chinese zuo wenn! i dont freaking feel like doing lehh :/ haha ohwell. do later la. I STILL GOT TIME. yay me! chinese new year is coming! hopefully can get like a week of school haha. then it would be like a mini HOLIDAY, where i actually dont need to come back for.
i managed to pon ncc a number of times. but like i finally decided to go for it yesterday haha. they are like having some preparation thingy for likeee the real day which is like 1st of march? i think they are like super kiasu la prepare in advance until like SIAAOO haha. HEH. i think the langartsA paper was quite easy, but like the challenge is in the timing that they gave, its like we have no time to even finish commenting la. like its so difficult to squeeze in all that you want to say in so short a period of time haha. i only wrote like 2 pages and 3/4. but i felt like at some parts i was kinda like narrating so like i guess thats quite bad la :/
I WATCHED SWITCHFOOT LIVE! ZOMGGGG! they are so freaking GOOOOD :DDDD haha. alright so like on thursday night, actually afternoon, rushed home to do some work. like it was INDEED TRULY a mad rushh haha. like immediately after school to a bus back, then did homeworkk (i tried to rush a mathh) some sets are really challenging to do eh. like they give you long long paragraph with so many numbers inside and expect you to work it out haha. then i met NICOLE, ZAC, and ABEL :D there haha. it was really cool la. getting into that mood concert mood. (but like we were soo early) so before the thing we went to have like a light bite. i finally ate at like orange julius, somehow have an idea, or a slight clue on what food they sell. had the hot dog as well as the drink haha. its quite expensive like 5$ just for the drink and hot dog haha. i spent MILLIONSSS of dollars (actually 7) yesterday la! its like omggg. spend so much money laa. i never spent so much before :/ haha. GETTING BACK TO THE CONCERT, omgg. their songs were sooo nice they did stars, a lot of oh gravity songs (I NEED THEIR ALBUM): haha. and like some oldies like dare you to move and many others haha. ohwell! i think they are performing tonight at the esplanade! I WANNA GO! but i got no money and probably will be at grandma's eating haha. HEH. i feel like im in a holiday mood now so high and like so ecstatic and happy wheee! haha. got to go for like edge later. i feel like playing tennis again haha. OH OH. there was this IHS presentation yesterday as well which i was like not very prepared :/ i felt as if i had led my group down but like THANK GOD :D with much thanks to the rest, i didnt do much work though...we got like a 21/24 haha. 7/8 i guess 81%? thanks a lot to shaun! and like the rest who did the most of the work! haha i feel quite bad la. not getting work done and stuff! haha. ohwells :D i guess i should go and wake my mum up sometime
I FEEL LIKE JAILBREAKING MY IPOD :D
HAPPY :D
i just realized how many emo posts i had in january haha. i think i should go change my blogskin soon haha. SOME people say its so girl. HAHA. ohwell. whats wrong with having love! haha. (maybe cause they are jealous :P haha. school has been quite stressful, causing me not to use comp but to like do some random homework and like complete all of it by the freaking deadlines haha. i still got to do some of likeee chinese zuo wenn! i dont freaking feel like doing lehh :/ haha ohwell. do later la. I STILL GOT TIME. yay me! chinese new year is coming! hopefully can get like a week of school haha. then it would be like a mini HOLIDAY, where i actually dont need to come back for.
i managed to pon ncc a number of times. but like i finally decided to go for it yesterday haha. they are like having some preparation thingy for likeee the real day which is like 1st of march? i think they are like super kiasu la prepare in advance until like SIAAOO haha. HEH. i think the langartsA paper was quite easy, but like the challenge is in the timing that they gave, its like we have no time to even finish commenting la. like its so difficult to squeeze in all that you want to say in so short a period of time haha. i only wrote like 2 pages and 3/4. but i felt like at some parts i was kinda like narrating so like i guess thats quite bad la :/
I WATCHED SWITCHFOOT LIVE! ZOMGGGG! they are so freaking GOOOOD <333 style="font-style: italic;">I FEEL LIKE JAILBREAKING MY IPOD :D