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yo, world!

the hustle and the bustle,
between me and the city,
destitute of refuge
a turn to return.

yapper (:*
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onePOINTseven '06*
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theacsiCHOIR
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OM

thy colour is orange*

hello world, its like i have been isolated
from this lively world,
where once i populated
until my dreams started to fold.

i was very carefree.
i was once so energetic
so very happy
and of course enthusiastic.

then camp end of camp.
i had high hopes
which sucked me up like a vamp.
and surely i could not cope.

thanks max for the hug.
it cheered me up slightly,
and into earth i lug
my heavy helpless self miserably.

i really was lost,
i was torn into a billion pieces.
completely broken, absolutely cross.
like a crumpled shirt with many creases.

why do i suddenly feel introverted
when i am so outgoing.
i think i just disappeared.
i become so quiet and timid kind of thing!
(so much for that marketing talk with the confidence and all. and like suddenly just disappearing!)

i feel i have changed
to this complete alien,
which is so deranged
and never flamboyant.

hiding in the crowd.
never wanting to be seen
always soft never loud
that sort of thing.

i want to be what i was
happy and enthu
if not i would be really lost,
i guess that's what i really want to do.

The Psalms

38

The Prayer of a Suffering Penitent
A Psalm of David, to bring to remembrance.
1	O LORD, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.
2	For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.
3	There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.
4	For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
5	My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.
6	I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.
7	For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.
8	I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.
9	Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.
10	My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.
11	My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.
12	They also that seek after my life lay snares for me; and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.
13	But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.
14	Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs.
15	For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.
16	For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me.
17	For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me.
18	For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.
19	But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.
20	They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is.
21	Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.
22	Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.

dear lord, thank you for giving me such a great Psalm of David. i really thank you for giving such great friends and family! i thank you that i am able to stay in a house where there is internet, thus being able to write this post lord, i thank you for your countenance and your peace which surpasses all understanding to be on me Lord. i love you. i really want to be your best friend lord. (: but im just really sorry that i have not been able to do that for the past 14 years. its just that, i dont feel anything lord. dear jesus, im so sorry that i never put your first, despite of hearing all those surmons lord. i want to put you first in my life. i want you to be the first and on top of everything else lord. then my life would be perfect, with occasional flaws. i thank you for picking me up when i have fallen i really need you lord. please come into my heart again. to be my best friend (: thank you. AMEN.

(dedicated to everyone)

thank you for being in my life,
a part or parcel
of it, for in your i live;
i have built a heart in a sand castle.

i am gracious for you in any way,
you truly have been special
to me any day.
i'm sorry if i have, in a way, been irrational.

my heart really goes out to you,
i am really happy you existed
you know what? i really do!
thinking of you, my heart melted.

i appreciate everything you have done.
in this time in this season,
when we were having so much fun under the sun.
thanks for helping, its my turn.

especially you who really brightened me up.
this year was truly with much ups and downs,
when you poured joy into my cup.
in your life, i donned your crown.

thank God there was you,
if not i would not have much idea
what to do in this cruel
world, with so much pain and fear.

because of you i have smiled more,
i can face up to situations without a wink,
focusing and coming up with a thing
or too cause you opened your door (:

it had been a new world when i stepped in,
thought it would have been different
but what a fun time it had been (:
there were many lessons learned.

many stories left untold,
kept in that corridor of memories.
like a time capsule, in time i wrote;
a composition of you and me.

why does life have to be sad
why must it be like that.
the feeling's just terrible,
my heart's condition is well horrible.

the time has come,
for me to leave,
time waits for no man, i shall run.
heck it, nobody, in me, believes.

its just so strange
its just so upsetting
all my problems range
from pain to pain, oh my, frustrating!

my little heart can't take ain't no more,
my heart has turned bitter
not forgetting, sore.
with these enraged tears, i could cry a litter.

i wish i were out of here.
out of this stinking world
full of agitation and fear.
my emotions are in a pool of whirl.

pretending; putting on a facade.
i try that smile,
it's one that cannot be bought.
ah damn, it can't last for a while.

i dont believe any of this is true
it seems to be like a dream.
where the world is cold and cruel
if only, life was like creme

life would be soft and sweet
life would be full of laughter
and so much less than meets
the eye, but this is my world, bitter.

ahh my holiday is gonna come to an end real soon ):
haha. but im still having quite a great lot of fun.
we were staying at niseko, sapporo!
its called old man creek.
yepp.

i got a cookie monster capp ;D
ask me to wear one some time.
its damn cool luh,
more like cute actually hahah.
i cant wear it in singapore actually ));

its like sooo....thick and ppl will say im weird haha.
lol. damn tired now. i think i shall write a poem.

tolerance. WHY is it so challenging?
hurt and anger it does bring.
the pain and the anguish.
you dont care about this.

im just so frustrated with you.
you know what?
i really do.
all this hurt all this blood.

you dont care about it and more, me.
what if i fell?
you only care for thee;
i bet it never rang a bell.

why cant you put a smile
on that sulky face,
you, honestly, just drive me wild
and bring be ablazed.

cant you be more friendly?
and lend me an ear.
is that all you can be?
all in those trembling eyes of fear.

looking down on me,
looking at this "useless son"
i think that's the best i see.
come on! are you done?

i cant see the reason why
do you not love me?
would you rather me die?
maybe that's how things should be...

weird and troubled,
with my dreams crumbled.
i can't see the light
in this lonely flight.

i seem to walk alone,
on this voyage away from home.
those memories will last.
though they fade so fast.

i think im in a dilemma.
between one or the other.
its just feeling horrible,
me and this lonely world.

a place of solitarity,
a place of solace.
me and my spirit of sparsity.
you cant stand the look on my face.

in a desperate attempt,
i would try,
to save this useless life -
lest i die.

in this season of winter,
my heart turns cold,
it turns bitter.
and then it folds.

one by want, to the two.
its just freaky you know?
i dont go by the rules.
i would not tell you why so.

my life is a secret.
peaceful and quiet.
with no disturbance
and with good, it turns.

no more emo more of happy.
thats how life should be.
smiles instead of tears.
courage not fears

a moment of time today,
i felt rather dismayed.

this rush of anguish,
the feeling amiss.

indeed i was tired.
defintely fired.

i was slightly sad,
maybe a little mad.

i was ablazed,
my mind was stuck like a maze.

i just could not take it anymore,
i needed a break through, that door.

my life was a flaw,
my heart was sore.

i felt hopeless,
i was lifeless.

it all seemed forever.
never would i succeed in that endeavour.

for you i cried,
for you i sighed.

was it not enough?

firstly, i must apologize for all the typos cause the keyboardss are like slightly different.
so irritating luh EEK,

alright. i arrived on like SQ626 at like 5 am in the morning ;D it was quite tiring lol,
watched the bourne ultimatum and some other movie,
we transited in thailand which had a really huge air port haha,
bangkok luh ahhaha.

anyway, we went mostly shopping the daybeforee,
ytd we went to the aquarium and the ferris wheeeel,
and did some shopping at night.
if you want sth from japan, TAGGG i will try to read it,,,

and i am going to universal studios today
gonna be like really funnn :d
i took quite a fair bit of photos post it up soon,

have fun while im away
please dont do stupid things i pray
as you read what i say
have a nice day ;D

wait for a while,
i wont take long
if you need me just dial,
and i might sing a song!

take care and dont cry
as if you not talking to me can die,
smile! and dont frown
be happy and up not down!

im gonna be on a hiatus. going to japan with family and some friendds hahha.

i will be back on the 21st

yeah at least gonna spend christmas in singapore.

you people be happy alright (: smilee take care dont be sadd. SMILE. dont emo.

ahh im gonnna miss youth camp. the speaker is so good (xuanqi lucky you ): haha.
i wanted to go but too bad hahaha.

BYE.


thinking back,
i recall,
that responsibility i did lack,
that badge and tie, a bad call.

why choose me?
did they see anything special?
did they know what i would be?
or was it just irrational?

i believe the decision
was made, cause they did see
the spark, but without much precision.
somehow i just lost that key.

i turned for the worse,
i turned bad,
i was certainly not a blessing, a curse
in fact.

i was transformed.
i had indeed changed,
i conformed.
part of the worldly range.

a lousy christian i would
label myself, just like before.
"change for the better" I could
try to say, waiting for you to open that door.

thank you Lord to see me through
those darkest hours.
indeed you wonderfully do.
thanks for being there when i needed you.

there were times you seemed so far away,
i tried to call you, you didn't reply.
so i thought, just close your eyes and pray
some would say, in my bed i would lie.

speak blasphemously i did,
cursing and swearing, all those foul words.
yet He brought me through these heaps.
all those lies i had caused pain and inflicted.

(to someone)
please take care alright?
even though your endless plight
might never end,
God will help you with his might hand.

He will guide you and direct your ways,
not just today but till the end of your days.
smile alright for he is near,
so there is nothing for you to fear. (:

each step of the way,
every new beginning of each day.
i feel so drained,
and occasionally, pained.

drifted from this world,
in a few hours of sleep.
after you sow,
is that what you reap?

just a few hours out,
your brain tires,
you aren't happy and pout
you look like you played with fire.

mischievous and all,
you seem so playful,
seems awkward and unusual,
you don't know you'd do.

you seem a little strange,
not feeling yourself.
even a little deranged,
you dream of wealth.

money is your wife,
you can't get by life
with any other woman,
you would need a knife.

"that's it!" some toot
would say, just taking life away like that.
you see that root
of all evil, is it not sad?

how about for a change,
try something new, something good.
something conventional, not strange.
anything civilised, not rude.

or how about something new?
just live for a reason, for a cause
it surely isn't something hard to do!
use your brains to think, or it'd be a lost.

to my special seniors,
thank you for always being there
i wish you well all you genius!
to part our ways i can't bear.

come back some time alright?
and we would catch up.
do something safe, not triggering fright,
tears i shall pour into a special cup (remember those glasses :)

goodbye i shall say,
it won't be the last,
take care and have a good day.
returning back surely is not a daunting task.

short.

the world is short, but the word is not.
time may seem like its a lot, but actually it's not.
life of 80 years seems long, but i think thats wrong
a 4 minute is equivalent to a single song, so 180 songs in a day
if i could give an accurate say.

i would not like to be blasphemous and say humans could fly,
but definitely humans to die,
in a matter of time,
anything to those leaves of lime
green, is life fun? i hope sigh :/

a munch of white chocolate Californian roasted raisins,
and some think its a sin,
would that be considered greed,
or is it just what my stomach would like,
if it deemed right.

time is not short, there is not a lot,
its time to say goodbye, to you and i.
thanks for being such great friends since the beginning when we said hi;
yet just in a short twinkle of and eye,
we part our separate ways and bid farewell, do we not?

do we miss that special time sometimes,
and just leave that relationship hanging?

You don't know my name
you don't know anything about me
I try to play nice
I want to be in your game
The things that you say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels fast
I'm telling you to your face
I'm standing here behind your back

You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

If you could read my mind
You might see more of me that meets the eye
And you've been all wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance

You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

Well, I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and alone
I'm sick of wasting all my time

You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what it's like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend on the outside looking in

cool i blogged so many posts already. but this one will be quite short haha
a lot has happened the past few days, i have been away from home luh haha.
at my godmas house and like moving around kinda things haha.
i think i wont blog so long haha.

HMM thursday i stayed at home,
alton came over, and we played tennis and took care of phoebe!
then on friday we played tennis again and had gone to daniels house.
we didnt do much there haha. just used computer and stuff like that?
not very fun luh haha. and then there was...
PHOEBES SHOWCLASS. TERMINAL THREE.


terminal three

looks so unreal right?

haha stuff like thats. haha really nothing very interesting
saturday arrived. ALTO MEETING :D

phoebe and her class


phoebe, i and zen


phoebe balancing ;D


so cute right?


yeshh me and my sis :D


phoebe and sakura (her friend)


random picturee :D

we didnt take any photos. a pity :/ hahaha. sighh
i was like super latee luh cause i was playing a bit of tennis before that.
yeahh haha. like 5 minutes after i arrived evelyn had to leave haha.
quite sad luh :/

we had starbucks after that, stayed around talked a bit haha.

and sze min WHEN ARE WE PLAYING TENNIS? haha. rayan hasnt replied yet i think you have to call him! haha.

and ermm we visited godmas new house ITS HUGE I TELL YOU :D haha really enjoyed myself there, its like 3 floors, HUGE swimming pool the rooms are like WOW. haha. look sound system around the house. GLASS. :D like gym/recreational room. and like HUGE ROOMS :D you should see the design and the HOME THEATRE SYSTEM :D hahaha. gosh its so freaking cool lorh haha. damn haha. i wanna stay in a house like that. the paintings are like really nice too!

right sidetracking back to the post.

sundayye. church as usual went for my fathers bros wifes wedding. sighh :/
quite sad luh you know so solemn one.
then after that we went to the crazy christmas concert with selena tan and friends!

mrs wan and seniors and us :D awhh. i feel so tall lol haha. lengthy body ><>

shall post some photos.

eek this is like taking so long! sighh ://

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