emo?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
(this is not said meant to put anyone down or like make people upset, these are my kindof innermost thoughts at the current moment)
curt remarks.
cursing at me.
this might sound like an emo post lah.
but anyway,
whats said hear, should not be talked about, or reitered about outside these walls.
anyway,
so what if you look so buff so fit so strong on the outside?
DEEP INSIDE is what that matters.
so what if a girl looks so hot so chioo or whatever on the outside,
if she were a bitch on the inside would you still like her?
(no offence)
aiyah, who cares, anymore?
why should i be the one bottling stuff up
trying to be the one to solve everything.
why must i be so helpful?
the one that would help people out when they need it?
got asked by two people to help them out at something
hopefully i dont lose my cool,
or get really upset lahh.
aiyahhh.
then now im helping douglas.
haha. replacing him for some dc duty.
oh welll.
i have no idea what to do...
why is this happening to me?
why all these things?
all these people?
they just come and go.
people pass by.
but the time and relationships build up are those that matter.
those are the most important.
how i wish things were last time,
(why do i always end up saying this?)
when we were all happy and carefree,
nothing to worry about.
oh so happy.
so relaxed.
but now?
stress.
friends.
betrayal.
lost.
aiyah...
lost.
"
where did i go wrong, i lost a friend."
-The Fray How to Save a Life?
why did you have to go?
you were one of my closest,
my bestest friend.
one that i would really enjoy spent time talking to,
one that i would not regret any minute spent,
one realllly closeeee friend.
but now,
i lost her.
*poof* NOMORE.
it does not exist anymore.
you just, *disappeared*
no more.
we were once so happy,
went through ups and downs,
survived stuff.
nowwwwwww?
no moree.
you dao, ignore me.
the pretence of my inexistenceright.
i dont exist,
not in your eyes.
not anymore.
i still recall,
at prefect eoy camp,
there was some time.
some senior said some painful, strong remark.
i tell you,
i hated that remark.
hate hate hate.
made me sort of think back, reflect.
think of the good times and bad times i spent in that year.
the time when i __________________ at om world finals.
the tears that dripped from my watery eyes.
those tears,
of anguish, of pain, of sadness.
oh i recall those times as though it were yesterday.
if i were to bottle my thoughts up,
it will leave an emotional scar.
just like when you wear a white, signifying a pure tshirt.
you dirty it with a blood stain.
should you not wash it,
the stain will last there forever!
FOREVER!
in a same way, its like a scar,
one that cannot be erased.
except all the memories all engraved on it.
at that time,
i recalled those happy times as well,
those times i was soooo happy about,
those times where i enjoyed myself.
my true personality was showcasednot now.
being so emo.
i
am a happy person.
or is it in the
past now?
i still rmb those times, we used to argue with each other,
verbal fight here and there, upset with each other,
over the smallest of reasons.
haha.
at least we still made upbut...but now?
you are like ignoring me forever.
or seemingly the past few days.
i tried telling myself,
give you another chance,
maybe you would talk to me in the end,
but?
no...
you wouldnt reply.
i dont care anymore.
thats it.
i cant take anymore.
i wished things had been better?
i used to risk my life,
those hours on the phone.
the risk of getting caughtoh well.
guess theres nothing to risk anymore.
i wish we could still be like it was then.
i guess no.
not anymore.
i once heard from a friend.
relationships wont last more than a few months.
i wanted to prove him wrong.
when you are committed,
and trust is evident, it could
lastbut little did i know....
aiyah.
then also OM....
can die or not?
its giving me all my problems.
its causing me to be like that?
all started of a few months ago.
i wanted to join this team,
all my friends there.
i was like one of the so called first few people to officially be part of the team.
SO CALLLED OFFICIAL YOU MEAN.
(mean as in both aspects, you mean person, and meaning)
oh well.
i guess i got betrayed by my friends.
i knew it was coming
some human instinct. haha.
i knew i was going to get betrayed,
but when was the questionso oh well,
i got kicked out.
i cried.
i cried on my way out of school.
i told myself that all will be okay.
but now,
why comfort myself so much when i will get hurt again?
WHY?!
so in the end, i joined the junior team instead.
first looking at them.
i got my inspiration.
how i would plan the meetings to be a success...
having all the fun at world finals together as one team.
but now?
oh well,
if we can even make it past the national stage
oh wait,
if we can even form a full team.
i think i might leave.
see how first.
look at my mood.
oh welll....
i feel like tearing now.
i feel so sad.
i guess when i told myself i would be okay,
i will just be covering up all my sadness,
all those emotions.
then now, when i think of it again.
i feel so sad.
i thought everything would be okay.
just what i
thought.
oh well....
life is life, unfair it is.
