x
x
x
x

yo, world!

the hustle and the bustle,
between me and the city,
destitute of refuge
a turn to return.

yapper (:*
joeljaryn ;D*
180193*

acs (junior)*
onePOINTsix '00*
twoPOINTfour '01*
threePOINTnine '02*
fourPOINTeight '03*
fivePOINTeight '04*
sixPOINTeight '05*

acs (independent)*
onePOINTseven '06*
twoPOINTtwo <3333 '07*

theacsiCHOIR
nccSEA*
OM

thy colour is orange*

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me x2

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a word

Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me x2

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower

She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Yea yea
Suddenly I see x5

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

haha.

im blogging during lesson time lor.
haha.

so boring...
haha. sch on friday now ends at 1 pm.
ohwell.

they like delay for 20 mins one lor.
ohwell, haha.

and then after this,
still got to go for om. at least its going to be quite fun i hope.
haha. yawnnn.

had a maths test in the morning.
then eng teacher said about some stuff
cause our class had been not really well behaved.
then literature.
some dream thing. hahaha.

ohwell.
yawwwwwwwwn

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
A kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus

saviour help me;
i am indeed so useless without you, Lord.
i need you.
i need you badly.
i cant live without you.
i wished i could have spent more time with you.
rather than neglecting you.
posting all these emotional stuff.
when i could be seeking refuge in you lord.
when all my pains could be poured out onto you.
and you would remove the bruden from my bag.
and i would be free. x)

and i could enjoy your love,
your comfort.
but now, im just handling things by my own.
all my weaknesses all being shown so clearly
but in you, my weaknesses become strengths.

oh lord, why was i so blind.
why did i just forego you.
and your word.

forgive me lord (:
help me lord.
i need you, i want you.

ohwell.
im pissed,
again.
whyohwhy

why do i keep getting pissed?
why must i be the guy giving in?

why cant i just be the guy that fights and wins?
why do i have to be the person that always gives in?
why am i so nice?

why am i so hypocritical?
why do i say one thing but mean another?
why do i think i deserve to live?

why is everything in my life screwing up?
why are things taking a plunge when they are supposed to be at its peak?
why do i feel like giving up so easily?

why do i feel so upset?
cause of one thing and i get all emo-ed

i give in to people.
i want to be nice.
i give in cause it will be restpectful
but yeah.

ohwelll.
i hate my life.
im hating it.

i feel sad.
i feel upset.
i feel pessimistic.
i feel angry.
i feel i should have never writen this post.

i feel i shouldnt even live.
whats the point.
ohwell, why am i going back to all these stuff again?
whyyyy?

why cant things be like they were,
when things were so happy. so fun.
so enjoyable.
so exciting
so carefree

when this live that i live,
i feel sick of it.

i want to be a kite.
i want to fly about freely,
boundlessly.
free from any deadlines, homework, school, time.

where i can live every so freely.
let my ideas flow through.
enjoy my life.

this is clearly not possible.
why am i so emo?

fine, im emo.
im letting my emotions just take over my wellbeing?
why do i get frustrated so easily?

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
can i find a reason.
can i be free?

oh well,

when everything starts to become ever such a burden,
where my whole holidays were taken up doing so many things,
cant you please be more understanding?

dont you understand the pain im going through doing all these things.
desperately trying to hang in there, do my om, prefects, choir. handle everything well.
i wish i was superman.
being able to do everything oh so easily
but now?

why?
everything starts to crash on me.
ohwell.
everything starts crashing down.
my life crashing.
having relationship problems,
barely hanging there.

so horrible.
ohwell, this is life right?
grrh
why do i seem to be ranting so much about life.

why cant it be like it was?
so carefree?
whyyy?

i wonder.




i think the camp had been quite a fun one.

i thought it would be like tekan (how do you spell it?)
like those kind of camps where people just irritate you; make your furious; or make you upset.
dunno luh.

it was quite fun.
i kind of enjoyed cheering
except for the fact that i got a little dizzy when i cheered too hard.
ohwell.

i am going to get killed,
my voice died.
haha.
choir choir choir?

whyyy?

i think im stressed.
i just think so luh.
when i will cheering esp continuously, maybe under pressure, i would get dizzy
just weird eh?

why would i feel so dizzy when others dont,
is that my breaking point.
i think i can usually last for longer periods of time right?
i think i am really stressed.

om... its going quite well actually,
im quite afraid for the art aspect though.
haha...hopefully can luh (:
go ppl! haha. tmr 1-6 ohwell.



its white day today,
and i bet most ppl dont know what its about,
mainly, its about the opposite of valentines day.
haha,

if you are free go search wiki.

om script has changed again

haha, nothing surprising rgiht?

ohwell,
yesterday _________________ happened in school yesterday in front of madam.
hahhaa...
not really a nice thing though...
sighh

i broke down luh.
sighhh
got quite stressed by my om team.

our script is going to change, yet again,
so jiayou ppl yar?
(:

anywayy,
theres prefects' camp tmr.
i dont even think i deserve to be a prefect.
im think im going to go in with an unready heart luh. ohwell.

i cant stand to leave my om team in the lurch like that
we are really going to suffer.
we just started on our second script luhh..
ohwell. :/

haha.
i dont really think im going in with a rightmind so,


cOMeon!

dont let me down!
jiayouu people...


the conversation had been so short today.
i dunno whether the problems had been resolved or waht
but...it seemed as if theres that spark with no gas.
i mean like a candle without wax.
along those lines.

sighh.
white day is coming up in two days?

should i salvage it, then it would be so much better?
or just give up?

is giving up just the better option?

haha.

although i did not go for choir...
i still had fun at OM
im beginning to enjoy my om friends

sheng yuan, you are going to DIE

not to be offensive or anything;
but you are going to receive hell from me, with complements;
and seriously IM DEFINING HELL :D

wouldnt that be so fun luh!

haha. i hope you read this.

anyway,
lets seeeeeeeee, om was funnn
we finally did................. (not supposed to talk abt it right?)
haha.
lol.

ermm, and also we did ............
we also had some fun,
we watched a movie the persuit of happyness (thanks lily!)
haha.
with a y and not an i.

haha.

this really let me think about it, in relation to life.

material things?
family?
money?

so like in this movie, will smith was like err,
the father figure to a child,
i rarely see that. haha.
i mean in will luh.

hes like sooo action person (man in black I/II)
haha.
so likee...its quite different luh
haha.

anyway,
what makes you happy,
persue that happiness.

walking out of that stockbroker building,
people had all those smiles of happiness.
seemingly really happy with life

i think for me,
its like those small things, that either
make your day or spoil your day

usually its those small things that make my day.
used to be .........................
haha. but now...its different i guess
without that person
haha.


Wandering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I st-stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room, yeah

That's what I'd do,
That's what I'd do
To get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will

the devil wears prada gives me creepy memories.
but it still a good movie luh.

haha.

im so happy today.
i got cds.

mainly my dads love songs haha.


i love it luh.
listening to like all the songs now...

my father got all the love songs
some like 3 cds in 1 or sth like that.

he said i conned him into buying luh.
haha.

but noooo..
i didnt luhh

haha.
but i love the new vocal sound.

sounds so coooooooooooooool;
so easy to fall in love with lahhh. x)

i feel so fit today :D
played tennis for 2 hours,
before running 3.8
haha.

so happy.

too bad something put me down;
changed my mood of a bit...

cause, gerald tan lah.
he thought he got booked then go and complain about another prefect behind his back.
how can you say such things to my friend lah?
come on lah.

you did disobey the rules right?
you should well know the consequences of eating in class
right?

and by eating in class, you should well be aware of the consequences,
and also what, you should be ready to face the music luh.

so, you got booked, by my good friend.
does it mean you should be calling him like asshole,
and curse or swear at him.

besides you are in the wrong.
you should just be able to accept the fact that you are in the wrong.
dont freaking blame prefects for doing the right thing,
although it may be the thing you dont like.

be ready to face the music

the time im posting.
haha.

lets see what i want to talk about...

should i or should i not?

i think i should not.

lets seee....my average had been quite promising,
i guess im satisfied with it.

at least im happy nowadays,
with what i have done to help people. (:

i would be egoistic if i were to say i were helpful.
haha.

anyway,
had a dc duty today.
quite fun actually.

my grandma is 80!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!
(i call my grandma mama)
haha.

anyway,
i wanted to blog about how precious life is.
i think i have touched on this topic before.

80.
double click on the picture.

average lifespan for asians is like 65 lahh.
but in the bible last time,
people can live for more than 8 centuries.
but now??

i heard that my greatgreat grandma lived to 105 or 101
thats like three digits luh!

by 60, most people with have the cramps and etc.
and the aches.

by 70, the bones start disintegrating slowly but surely.

females live longer than man, surveys show.

but the bible says that as long as you obey your parents, you would be able to live long lives. (:
isnt that encouraging to hear.

but only if you obey your parents.

oh well, im getting out of point.


heyy.

my hundreth post.

i think im going to kill myself for the holidays.
oh well...

haha.
i already feel like dying luh

i just had my dc duty.
sighhh

so anyway,
erm
im having om after this.
i hope i dont dieee luhh.
hahaa

i got to go to school in 7 minutes.
ohh well.



the steaming anguish.
the horrible pain.

I GIVE UP!
its over.
really.

as my title mentions,
what is a holiday?

isnt it supposed to be a time of rest,
a time for rejuvenation
etc.

those kind of stuff?

haha...BUT NOT IN ACSI
hahahaha.

lets seee,
monday to wednesday choir
thursday and friday prefects camp
saturday to sunday OM

haha.
OM is going to steal my life away
UNLESS i quit.

hey, theres a possiblity there you see....
aiyah...

so what is a holiday?

on the brink of defeat, i shall not give up hope.

(this is not said meant to put anyone down or like make people upset, these are my kindof innermost thoughts at the current moment)

curt remarks.
cursing at me.

this might sound like an emo post lah.
but anyway,
whats said hear, should not be talked about, or reitered about outside these walls.

anyway,
so what if you look so buff so fit so strong on the outside?
DEEP INSIDE is what that matters.

so what if a girl looks so hot so chioo or whatever on the outside,
if she were a bitch on the inside would you still like her?
(no offence)

aiyah, who cares, anymore?
why should i be the one bottling stuff up
trying to be the one to solve everything.

why must i be so helpful?
the one that would help people out when they need it?
got asked by two people to help them out at something
hopefully i dont lose my cool,
or get really upset lahh.
aiyahhh.

then now im helping douglas.
haha. replacing him for some dc duty.
oh welll.
i have no idea what to do...

why is this happening to me?
why all these things?
all these people?
they just come and go.
people pass by.
but the time and relationships build up are those that matter.
those are the most important.

how i wish things were last time,
(why do i always end up saying this?)
when we were all happy and carefree,
nothing to worry about.
oh so happy.
so relaxed.

but now?
stress.
friends.
betrayal.
lost.

aiyah...
lost.

"where did i go wrong, i lost a friend."
-The Fray How to Save a Life?

why did you have to go?
you were one of my closest,
my bestest friend.

one that i would really enjoy spent time talking to,
one that i would not regret any minute spent,
one realllly closeeee friend.

but now,
i lost her.

*poof* NOMORE.
it does not exist anymore.
you just, *disappeared*

no more.
we were once so happy,
went through ups and downs,
survived stuff.

nowwwwwww?
no moree.
you dao, ignore me.

the pretence of my inexistence

right.
i dont exist,
not in your eyes.
not anymore.

i still recall,
at prefect eoy camp,
there was some time.
some senior said some painful, strong remark.

i tell you,
i hated that remark.
hate hate hate.
made me sort of think back, reflect.
think of the good times and bad times i spent in that year.

the time when i __________________ at om world finals.
the tears that dripped from my watery eyes.
those tears,
of anguish, of pain, of sadness.

oh i recall those times as though it were yesterday.

if i were to bottle my thoughts up,
it will leave an emotional scar.
just like when you wear a white, signifying a pure tshirt.
you dirty it with a blood stain.

should you not wash it,
the stain will last there forever!
FOREVER!

in a same way, its like a scar,
one that cannot be erased.
except all the memories all engraved on it.

at that time,
i recalled those happy times as well,
those times i was soooo happy about,
those times where i enjoyed myself.
my true personality was showcased
not now.
being so emo.

i am a happy person.
or is it in the past now?

i still rmb those times, we used to argue with each other,
verbal fight here and there, upset with each other,
over the smallest of reasons.
haha.

at least we still made up

but...but now?
you are like ignoring me forever.
or seemingly the past few days.
i tried telling myself,

give you another chance,
maybe you would talk to me in the end,
but?
no...
you wouldnt reply.

i dont care anymore.
thats it.
i cant take anymore.
i wished things had been better?

i used to risk my life,
those hours on the phone.
the risk of getting caught

oh well.
guess theres nothing to risk anymore.
i wish we could still be like it was then.
i guess no.

not anymore.
i once heard from a friend.
relationships wont last more than a few months.

i wanted to prove him wrong.
when you are committed,
and trust is evident, it could last

but little did i know....

aiyah.
then also OM....
can die or not?

its giving me all my problems.
its causing me to be like that?

all started of a few months ago.
i wanted to join this team,
all my friends there.

i was like one of the so called first few people to officially be part of the team.
SO CALLLED OFFICIAL YOU MEAN.
(mean as in both aspects, you mean person, and meaning)

oh well.
i guess i got betrayed by my friends.
i knew it was coming
some human instinct. haha.
i knew i was going to get betrayed,

but when was the question

so oh well,
i got kicked out.
i cried.
i cried on my way out of school.
i told myself that all will be okay.
but now,
why comfort myself so much when i will get hurt again?
WHY?!

so in the end, i joined the junior team instead.
first looking at them.
i got my inspiration.
how i would plan the meetings to be a success...
having all the fun at world finals together as one team.

but now?
oh well,
if we can even make it past the national stage
oh wait,
if we can even form a full team.

i think i might leave.
see how first.
look at my mood.
oh welll....
i feel like tearing now.
i feel so sad.

i guess when i told myself i would be okay,
i will just be covering up all my sadness,
all those emotions.

then now, when i think of it again.
i feel so sad.

i thought everything would be okay.
just what i thought.
oh well....

life is life, unfair it is.

first and foremost, before i start ranting,

aiyahhh.

why do we live life in regret?
wishing that we did better in an exam
wishing that we did not say this or that
wishing that we worked harder
wishing that we told the truth instead
wishing that things like they were before.

aiyahhh.

i did well for exams :)
i got ______________ % for average.
shant tell, i dont want to be labelled as smart, stupid, or arrogant.
haha.

if you really want to know, ask me.

sighhh. AT LEAST I PASSED LIFE SCIENCE :D
lit was quite a low a1. haha.
but still a1 leh.
haha. like 4th or 5th in class


haha.
maths, i hope i can claim a few more marks! haha.
like two more
and i will be happy
haha.

shouldnt be really happy over such material stuff right?

shouldnt i be focussed on the great power of our Lord.
the one that helps us to get all these good/grades.
to reward us/to teach us.

but why am i so...involved in these stuff,
that i even forego devotions etc.
dont even bother to like listen to him.
just ignore him, dao him.

he is just like any ordinary person like us.
one that does not like to be daoed.
but, what are we doing to him?
daoing him, like any other person.

giving a deaf ear to him,
showing ignorance and disrespect.
a guy that is just like any ordinary person.
he has feelings as well.

its just that he is perfect.
whatever emotions he might have,
he will deal with it well.
with a positive attitude.

hahaha.
hmm.
why do i feel like im getting daoed by you.
we were so good friends then.
but now?

straying away slowly,
however much i try to salvage it,
i guess its going to be a wasted cause.
i think i should just give up, seriously,
once and for all,
i guess i should do this.

better soon than later.
better later than never.

do you still love me?

Term 1 Common Test

By Joel Yap

Setting up casinos in Singapore could be harmful or beneficial to the country. Beneficial in the sense of the vast growth in economy or attracting huge number of tourists. However, on the other hand, there are cons of the building of casinos. They are – possibly making people bankrupt or making them homeless. Let us discuss the advantages and the disadvantages of the setting up of a casino.

Firstly, constructing a casino would be preferable, and beneficial in the aspect of an economy bloom. Due to this, there would be more people going to the banks for me and, eventually, taxes might increase so banks would earn a relatively huge sum of money in the long run. The machines in the casino would probably be programmed for the people to win based on a consistent interval. For example, the casino could choose one lucky winner out of, maybe, a possible ten hthousand. This explains how building a casino would be beneficial.

On the other hand, building a casino also has its disadvantages. One common problem faced around the world, faced by casinos is the higher bankruptcy rate. This is probably due to a large sum of people coming to the casino, and some people who repeatedly go to the casino. Some people, go there to such an extent that they would spend most hours in a day there. In addition, they might even quit their jobs to become a full time gambler. I worry for these people as, if they have poor financial planning skills, they might not consider how much they should save up and use up their money for their life after retirement. On the flipside, they just make use of these funds and just squander all their money on gambling and this would cause more people to get bankrupt, and maybe in the long run, even lose their homes.

On the other side of the coin, the casino being built could be an eye-opener for jobs. There could be jobs available in the casino such as bankers, security guards, and people to supervise others, and make sure they are doing their jobs well. Other jobs might include cleaners, and information counter attendants. In a recent newspaper article, it mentioned that over 20000 jobs will be available at the IR, Integrated Resort. With a growing number of an unemployed population, this could really be what the government is looking for.

Although the advantages mentioned might seem quite substantial for the government to allow the implementation of the idea of setting up of a casino, there is always the other side of the coin. People might be homeless because they spend too much time at the casinos and so they abandon their families, spend less time with their spouse and children. This might actually lead to the spouse leaving or divorcing the husband or wife. They might think why they decided to marry such an irresponsible person who is addicted to gambling and leave them in the lurch, relying on only themselves to feed and raise the children, to provide for the family but here they are just taking the money away to gamble the money. This might lead to high growth of single-mothers, and also, children who miss their parents. Children who hardly see their parents and not know how he looks like but hear stories about how negligent he had been.

From a different perspective, having a casino will also be a growth for tourism. People from different parts of the world, including the rich tycoons from China, flying over to Singapore to gamble. Imagine how much the government would gain out of this. Also, if these tycoons find out how great the casinos, they might just emigrate to Singapore and thus Singapore would be attracting foreign talents from all over the world to lead and serve the country, so that it might soar on wings like eagles and not be weary. However, they will soar to greater heights and this would cause the economy to flourish.

In addition, the government has also chosen to request people who enter the casino to pay an entrance of a certain amount of money. This would prevent people from going in if they did not have a lot of money, and I feel this is a good idea. I have read something else in the newspapers – consent forms to be singed by family members to stop or disallow their family members from even entering the casino. This is done, with a good intention, to prevent high numbers of homeless people, and a lower divorce rate. However, people – in order to gamble – might embezzle money from banks or from their companies to work in. Thus, this in turn, might cause a growth in theft and crime rate – people will do anything to get what they want. Overall, I feel having this idea of a casino is advisable, nevertheless the government could think of other methods to take care of its citizens and to make Singapore a safer place to live in.

my current average is ONLY 79.83
grrh.

i could have done better in so many more ways.
ESPECIALLY PHYSICAL SCIENCE.

zomg.
i COULD have gotten 45+ IF i had been more CAREFUL.
oh wells...
i hate myself.

grrh.
history too.
come on lah!
16/20 is not the best.
im definetely CAPABLE of doing more.
my last question
WHY WAS I SO FREAKING LAZY?
SLIP SHOD (edited, thanks clem.) WORK.
come on lah joel,
dont be an ass.

grrh.
i have just cursed my om team mate.
oh well,
guess i cant take them anymore.
haha.
not foul word just slipped out of my mouth.
grrh. i cant take them anymore.

fancy being TAKEN ADVANTAGE of.
tsk. i feel like KILLING AND SQUEEZING their SMALL AND PUNY BRAINS.
they are so freaking lazy...
i want to



haha. koping johnsees nick.

sighh, things have not been going in the way that i would have liked it to be, sighh.

the times we spent together
the happy times we spent.
the sad times too.

we seem to be drifting away. all gone.
dont know why things had to turn out like that.
we USED to be so close, so happy, so fun together.

but now lehhhh?
we seem to be strayingaway
more and even more.
why oh why?

why cant we relive the moments.
those moments?
why not?

comeon, why do things hhave to turn out like that.

finally, you replied.
was it a misunderstanding after all?
or was it on purpose,
i doubt so though.

how i wish things could be like they were
why is everything always in the past?

i used to, it was, it had been, i wish, relive the moments.

sigh, i wish things could be like it was.

haha.
i played tennis in the morning again.

saturday mornings burnt playing tennis.
burnt in the sense of sunburn

hahaha.
anyway,
had a good venting at xuanqi ytd (not that i was angry with her or anything)
thanks for listening to me!

so many things going on lah.
so im probably getting so stressed

hmm, then ate ice cream at the daily scoop
yummy.
gosh im getting like ermm, whats the word,

yes FAT
haha.

i love the emphasis.
hahah.
anyway,

amour?
what the heck.
i dont care anymore
what can i do save it?
cant be mememe right?
you got to do something.
oh well.
i guess i can screw it after all.
take that i never said this lah. tsk.


90th post shall be a rant.

im superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr upset now lah.
i feel so empty.
so many stuff going on.

but i cant make it.
i wish...i wish...

when i give my best,
give my all,
be so committed,
i end up getting laughed at,
mocked at.


founders day;

say hi or something stupid =$

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